beyonce really goes all out for the bet awards. last year balenciaga leggings in her performance, this year balmain on the red carpet, how's she gonna follow this up? if i was her stylist, i would do a surface piercing every three inches on her body and attach a four inch diameter diamond dangling earring in each piercing. then i would make her kill bill gates, gild his head and wear it as a hat. and for the shoes, i would skin some brussels griffons for the front and bottom, and the heel would be a carved down dinosaur bone. luxe enough?
as sick as i am of hearing about that, uhh, it's true. but i've never been one to have my glass half empty unless i've been holding a jameson for around twenty seconds. so here's to optimism and making the best out of our nonexistent fortunes.
1. junk food
you get to eat stuff that tastes good but isn't necessarily good for you under the pretense that you can afford it and can't really afford to eat anything else all day week.
2. enjoying parks and rec
can't watch robots fight for $12 at the new transformers movie? catch a 6:00 bum fight at thompkins. it's eco friendly and you don't have to watch shia labeouf pretend like he can actually wrangle megan fox without date rape.
3. cruising at trader joes
some fine ass niggas work there, and most of williamsburg, which is essentially a singles bar in itself, shops there. even jessica stam goes to be frugle with her fruit purchases.
4. the thrill of being lawless
shoplifting, trespassing, smuggling people through the train turnstile, smuggling georgi vodka into b.east bars, drinking on the street, indecent exposure, and basically trying to amuse yourself with no cash is very liberating and easy to do in nyc.
6. quality time with friends
you aren't going to a movie or on a date with someone or to a concert or shopping or to the guggenheim (or even riding the subway), so you get to actually sit down with the people you love and enjoy them without distraction more often. bro's before ho-rrible financial crisis!
7. becoming a hacker
i still want to listen to music and watch movies, so i've taken to the much addicting act of downloading. having literally no money to get it from the source, i finally figured out torrents and mp3's after years of trying and giving up. turns out, there's a lotta shit out there that don't take none of my pennies.
8. being more creative
i'm sure you've read some article about how creativity is stoked by hard times, but i think the theory actually has legs. no doubt whatever your project is, you have had it stripped to its bare bones, which makes you think more strategically and forces you to get more bang for your buck. they say "when you have nothing left to burn, you have to set yourself on fire." this is last resort time, and we've all got to pull out all the stops.
9. cleaning house
if it ain't useful, sell it. or get rid of it.
10. we always have sex
lord knows that's free, and never really loses its entertainment value. but please, spring for a condom. it's an investment for everyone around you, i know i can't afford ear plugs when the kid pops out because you didn't have the dough for an a-bomb.
this album sums up how all three of us have been feeling lately. so listen to this and think of us fondly. clocking in at around fifteen minutes the album is the perfect chogay music.
i once knew a girl who dated a guy whose mother liked to get shit on after she fucked her boyfriend who enjoyed to piss in his own mouth. now, she has both of her legs chopped off.
i've been making more of an effort lately to take pictures of things not at night. here are some things i was surprised and delighted to see either with my friends, alone, or on the street.
in new york, i've found, you will always be taken care of. last night, when walking home after a pretty crazy time dancing with friends, i stopped into the belgian fries place on seventh and a. i was wearing a cutoff tee shirt that exposed about an inch of my stomach in standing position and short, rolled up cutoffs. also hoping to get satisfaction via fried potatoes were some guidos from long island standing to the left of me. this is where my trouble started.
there were three guys, and one was particularly opinionated. he was short with glasses and had a thick, crass accent. after he ordered his fries he looked at me and said, "you get stopped in the street for lookin like that? that's indecent exposure." i was already in the mood for starting shit, but started slow and responded with, "yep, that's what happened." he mentioned something to his friend about how he "used to live in this neighborhood, and shit like this wouldn't fly back then. faggot," clearly not worried about me hearing.
i shot back with, "want a piece of this?" and grabbed my big gay cock. he responded with something very sixth grade about how he bet i had a small penis and i told him he still wanted to suck it. i pushed him, he pushed back. i brushed his face, he kicked me. i kicked him, and his friend got between us. at this point i had my fries but was ready to rip this motherfucker's head off. a group of people was gathering outside, naturally on my side since we were in alphabet city three days from the gay pride parade.
i got a little ways outside, one of the friends holding back the sphincter, when this tall, skinny black queen who must have been in his forties wearing short shorts and a green tank top grabbed my shoulder. "go home, eat your fries. this is new york city, someone's gonna get him sooner or later." i stopped and thought "he's right". there's nothing i could do that would make anything better at all. i left, and though i was seriously considering hiding around a corner with a rock to bludgeon the cunts, i didn't. i'm not saying that violence isn't the answer because i think it can be, and you have to learn to defend yourself and your beliefs physically and verbally. but the guy who pulled me away did allow me to walk away feeling validated because of the fact that i knew i was right, and everyone on the street knew i was right, and most of new york city knew i was right. it allowed me to walk away without any question that the harasser was a lunatic back woods faggot.
... is dead because i had a dream last night that this thing was trying to rape my little 12 year old sister and driving her around in a limo. that's not cool. i woke up hating this thing with a passion this morning and hated it until the mid-afternoon until i found out that it has just died!!!!!! did i secretly predict it's death? i mean, i never EVER had a dream about this thing in the past and it's not like i ever thought about it really. i have a witness who i woke up in the middle of the night almost crying of fear to whom i told my nightmare regarding that thing.
Maman + frederic, Je cherche des apartements avec mon copain gay asiatique james. on en a visite 5 aujourd'hui et on en a trouve un GENIAL!!! C'est juste en face de ou j'habite maintenant. un 2 chambres (bien separees) avec une grande cuisine au milieu. C'est TRES propre avec une vie sur tout downtown brooklyn (6eme etage). Fenetres dans chaque piece (chambres, salle de bains et cuisine). on a aussi une baignoire. c'est $1500 dollars par mois mais on va essayer de le faire descendre a 1400. James prendrais la plus grosse chambre a $800 et moi celle a $600 si on arrive a baisser a $1400 sinon $650 (moins cher que ou j'habite maintenant!!!). Le parterre est en bois magnifique et les murs blancs viennent d'etre repeinds. C'est dans un grand immeuble normal pre-war avec une entree, lobby etc...
On pourrais y emmenager le 1er Juillet mais pour cela il nous fait premier mois (650) + dernier mois (650) + broker fee (250). donc en total 1550 le plus vite possible (la semaine prochaine, genre lundi ou mardi). C'est vraiment un appart ideal. On en a visite plein mais la plus part sont plus chers et moins beaux...
voila, je vous envoi des photos.
j'espere que tu vous l'aimerez!
aussi papa viendrais m'aider a m'installer et va co-signer le lease avec moi. j;ai rdv demain encore avec le landlors pour en discuter plus
in honor of my move to chinatown, i thought i'd wax poetic about the things i'm excited for. maybe i'll have a more profound list once i'm a local.
1. random shit:
rubber, animal parts, even live frog can be found in the forbidden city's local branch. also, chinatown shoes, socks, and undershirts go for dirt cheap, sometimes less than a whole frog.
2. canal fabrics:
tons of options in this little place on canal and broadway who's sign reads "canal abrics" (we're hoping the 'f' was lost during a sewing related incident.) and if you go there once, they will start giving you discounts.
3. eat cheap:
groceries, vanessa's dumplings, nuts4nuts galore, plenty a family style asian establishment, and the produce market under the bridge allow you to eat like a king with the earnings of a pauper.
classically tasty flavors like vanilla almond cookie and pistachio are mixed in with chinfused offerings like red bean and lychee. and if you're fed up with eastern culture, run over to haagen dazs across mott for some german frozen delights (but it's also got everything written in chinese).
5. old chinese women:
some are annoying when they get in a huddle and won't fucking move along, but sometimes this woman with a grey afro sings in the park, and there's something very strange walking past the tiny women picking up cans at 4:00 am.
6. b.east:
basically for main man, ryan mcginley and greg krelenstein's thursday night party (which is tonight, by the bye) which i always have fun at. they do, however, have amazing food. a little pricey, but everything always smells and looks great, and the veg pizza is delicious.
the bitch is movin' to henry street! absolutely love this girl, and as if i don't see her enough on the streets, the two of us in the same hood will be ridonkeypunch (slang cred: heather).
8. congee village:
five dollar lycheetinis and beers is asking for trouble in a good way. other draws include a relaxing fish pond and free peanuts!(note: don't go to the one on bowery, this one's on allen between broome and delancey)
9. monster mode:
where else is it acceptable to push past the elderly and children with total disregard? the streets are too narrow to walk in, so you have to mow some bitches the fuck down.
10. gallery openings and house parties:
with slightly less fun bars south of the l.e.s. allows for the real wildness to happen behind our closed and locked doors. and if young artists don't live in brooklyn, they will most likely live here, and the combination of that and the fact that there are a ton of great spaces down here, makes it a great place for shows.
